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Saturday, October 22, 2011

Love Agony and Me




This the second part of my story :






                       I thumped my leg on air. I was sure I had hit something. I wish it to the face of the stupid who woke me up so early on the Sunday morning. I rubbed my face and the digital watch which shown me 7:45 A.M.


‘Fuck you man’ I said as placed my elbow over my bed and lifted my neck slowly. I rubbed my eyes hard enough to get the vision of Ram searching his glass possibly launched from his nose by my ferocious kick which might have landed somewhere around his nose.


‘Siddhu, I want to show you something’ he said as fixed his glass back on the mission’s path. I love him doing this. He looked like 70 year old man fixing his spectacles with so much of care. I like to call it glass rather than spectacles just because of the syllables it has. And Now I realized that he is not angry on me as usual for my kick so I know something inside is cooking serious.


‘What’ I said as I snored to show my dis-interest rather than sluggishness.

Sri entered the room bidding us a good morning.


‘Divya woke me up at 5:30.She has exam today’ he explained the reason for his early entry into our room. Our room .  Ah! I hadn’t said you. We live in a two bed-room apartment in Bangalore. We are all software geeks working on IBM  though  I really have a question about our ability to be called so.Sri needed a private bedroom and I and Ram agreed to rollover on the same room. Though I needed to be alone, I’ve never said either of them the fact.


Sri broke knuckles and was about to enter into the bathroom and Ram’s shallow voice stopped him. ‘wait ‘ he said as he handed over half-white cover to Sri who was in no mood to read it.


‘We need to go to our college next week’ Ram said with arguably zero expression.


‘What, Are we invited to some function as chief guests?’ he laughed at his own joke as he surfed through the invitation. Ram handed over a copy of the same (it seemed to be) to me.


I gave a boring look to the invitation. ‘Graduation day’ Ram read out as if he as RJ announcing the next song to be on air.


‘At last we are going to be engineers with a certificate’ Sri said. I gave him a fake smile. I examined him he looked the same as the first day I saw him hardly 5 years have been passed. He is from the white race the minority of Indian people at least the Tamils. He doesn’t feature a great physique though. It doesn’t matter. He already has a girlfriend.


‘Are you okay?’ Ram shattered my thoughts. In any other  room of our batch mates the invitation might have a happier welcome but we or at least I was in no mood to see my college again.


‘Yeah’ I smirked.


‘Divyaaaa’ Sri exclaimed as he walked back into his room lending his ears to his IPhone. He has a funny walking style.


‘He is never going to brush today ‘I said.


‘Siddhu..’  Ram called me out. His voice still carried zero expression.

‘What?’ I said ‘Any news in the paper? Jaya’s case is being heard today’.

‘Today is Sunday buddy’ he gave me a insinuating smile. I know I’m a bad topic changer.     :-(


‘You will come?’ he continued as he raised his eyebrows, actually his specs.


“Do I’ve an another option?” I jumped out of my bed.


“Next Saturday, We’ll start on Friday night” Ram said to himself than to me. He left. 




   ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


               The Friday came after 5 days as usually it does. We are dumped in our Honda city. Yes, It was ours. Each of us had a share in it. I love to ride(I never use the word drive) and as mandatory I was in the driving seat. This time around,I hated the travel which otherwise would have been a lovely pass-on for me..I never really wanted to go back to my college.I used to give dirty look to people who say If given a chance they’ll  live their college life again.


          Even I loved my college life once, until I realized something, something too personal to share with anyone. Ram knows a bit of it and Sri is a chatterbox and you can bet the message from his lips spread as faster as cholera does. And so I’ve hidden a little  to him.


              Ram patted my pack as a Truck driver shouted at us for raging the car too closer to his bumper.


“Let me drive” Ram said.


I pointed to his specs and scowled. “Night time buddy, I can risk, but the boy at the back has a girlfriend” I said and accelerated.


        The fact that I’m going to see her made blood rush into my head. I can feel it or else I might have assumed so. She was once my angel. And yeah She is still an angel or who knows she might have even delivered a little angel.But I’m no more authenticated to use the phrase “My angel” towards her.


“It’s long time since we met Mr.Hitler” , Sri said interrupting my thoughts. I hate Sri for this damn reason.


                          We called our Principal, Mr.Hitler. He had several reasons to be called so.But The primary reason was that he behaved as if every student were Jews. To coincide his period with history he had built a Auditorium( for me) which he himself calls as Convention center ( Why don’t people stop with a single word for a single place. What is the fucking reason that a same word has tens of synonyms’ hate people who created English).


         I know several people who boast about having such a big auditorium (Or Gas chamber of Hitler in my version).They say as a student of “Ko***” ( to be replaced by my f***king college), I’m very proud to have such a large Convention center. I hate people who say this. Each brick of the auditorium carries blood drops of parents of this herd of sheeps.It is nothing necessary for a college in rural place to have such a big gas chamber where Mr. Hitler  puts students for every annual day. I’ll find it funnier from my school days, every principal announces a compulsory attendance for Annual days.This is really funny, A day which is made for the fun of students and they are in a position to force students to attend the same. I never care about those dupes anyway.


            We three were great buddies at college. We used to share the same bench and all of us have a in-born capability to crack witty comments in every possible lecture. I had a happy college life like you till the day I met her. Don’t panic. From the second, I met her the word happy is replaced with happier. It was just a formal meeting, she happened to be my class mate .She is from the next section A, while I’m from section B.In this college they arrange sections in random, I never guess why. I usually hate my college mate.   for the very reason that they are Group-selfish as every human being is.But I hate that attitude anyway. But she was a feather from the same flock. I don’t really want to bore you by telling “How we met” and stuffs. Every love story is more or less the same.  After a little of acquaintance , I found it more comfortable with her. And after certain period of time, I found it really uncomfortable without her.

               I’m a person with zero sentiments before she entered my life. Still I used to be the same for certain period of time.I remember refusing her to give my mail password and after a certain threshold of love we became each other’s password as it usually happens. She was a photocopy of myself made in a female version by the creator may be by mere chance. But, That’s the way frequency ( as she calls it) worked great between us, though I’ve a little of  lot that I hate about her. To give you an instance, She never likes to have a ride on bike with guy of same age unless he’s his brother or something, even if it is me. I even hate this phrase, “Even it is me”, who the fuck I’m to her.


                 We started off as friends and she continued to be the same, but I changed myself  to be a valentine of her.I actually hated this part of me.I fell in love as if people use to fell ill. Love became such a task for me. Ram used to tell me when ever he recharges his mobile,I’ll tend to fall in love with a new girl. But ,Raaji was different. Yeah,That’s her name. I hate her physique right from day 1. She was no more than piece of  bones of semi-eaten grilled chicken. She was too weak to be called 20 years aged. You double her age and you have calculated her weight. I wonder she might have been weighed in double digit grams when she was born.But,There were plenty of things in her that i love to.. To start of with,her fingers. They were as crispier as finger chips of McDonalds and I'm in constant love with them.And her nose looks irrestiably cute at times.I love her lips too.They have never seen lip stick for ages and  like to serve the purpose of lipstick with my lips often.(Lip stick purpose is to make the lips wet isn't it? ). And Keep this a secret she wears spectacles (or glass in my version), I hate that :) But,I usually do tell her, i love your eyes ;-) . So what? Lies are a part of love, A major part, to be precise.


            To tell you the truth, The transformation phase from friend to valentine was actually great.I still remember every moment of it.I use to examine people and myself. I’ve asked some of my buddies about what you do think about the transformation phase from friend to valentine. And each one of them stared at me as if I asked the question about marrying a witch. I hate this thing about tamil guys, and to be broader south-Indian  guys.They are nerds. Marrying a friend is not a non-bailable offence at least till today.Anyway,A girl is born to be married to a guy.Why not a friend?


                   People talk of Sanity od relationships.I wonder where does the word came between a relationship.I bet you, best buddies can make a best couple in the world. I can show you millions of examples Like Chetan and Anusha and lot more. But,There is no point to explain fools about the facts.I never care what they think what Friendship is and what a girl and boy are supposed to do.  And the silly thing is they believe in love at first sight. I wanted to show them a cute girl in a glass room doing cuter things.And after they fall in love, I hope they will never cope-up or regret love-at-first-sight even 


         Yeah,I never deny the fact that there are some girls who I can never think to be husbanding, just because they feel more  than a sister like to me.But, Marrying a friend is not at all a Sin as people say .They have never learnt to think beyond their born and brought-up. They will kill me if I use the phrase , Frogs in a well.But,I know Truth always hurts that way. And as  habitual she was one among those frogs. And  yeah there were some things which we don’t have in common. Although we had a lot of interests in common, some things that are not always outraged me.But,She is still the practical person as I used to be. A conversation that took place between us may tel you the relationship we were in.


            She came late to the hut.(There were no pizzas around in the small town(??!!) ) where KFC (K***** ****ing College) were situated. I was hitting the pigs with my Angry birds in my Galaxy. That’s what  is legitimate to be done by a guy in a relationship.If you show the anger on them,even if the fault is on them,It will be the male’s  responsibility to ask sorry. Every Girl’s  are the same. Although I found Raaji different. I can’t still believe that Raaji hates gossiping, Every creature of female species love that stuff!


“Sorry..Sorry..Sorry”, She mumbled as she sat on tiny chair opposite to my nose .I looked down.I’ve managed to reduce my weight in the recent past by then and have compiled myself on to the chair.But,In her case She was too little even for the tiny chair.I remember one of my girlfriends of the past said that “Raaji didi is too tiny” and we’ve had a head-out laugh at the statement. I’ve said you about her weight. Anyway,Even if she is thumb sized, She is my cindrella.Why the hel do you care? . I turned my face to the other side to face the empty chairs She held my face and turned them.


“Sorry da chellam” She said still holding my face on her palm.I love her fingers I must say you.I found them the cutest part of her body.


“Mmm…” I said still faking my voice to be in anger.


“Stop. Don’t create a scene now” She said and this is another part I love in her.


                                She reads my mind partially well in most situations and on the counter-part read her ever than she has imagined it to be.This is the period of time where I started to fall in love with her and arguably proposed her as people call it and my version of the story will be I expressed my love towards her. Anyway, Who is going to listen to the version of the accused.


‘They have exchanged the horoscopes’, she said as the waiter came ahead.


‘Two strawberry shakes’ I said and signaled her to continue.


‘They have seem to exchanged horoscopes’, She started over.I hinted that she enforces me to believe that she had no part in the exchange by using the word “They“.Still I know she had a role to be played. I can bet you one thing.No guy chooses sarcastic words as a girl does,Girls are genius in choosing words. You can never guess what they are intending to say. On the other hand, Every boy in the world does speak from his heart, truly . Girls are too good at suppressing their feelings and My Raaji (at least at this scene she was mine) is the best of the lot. She can show zero expression on her face for a such an emotional play I make.


“Helloooo” She waved her hands in front of my face. I wanted to kiss her fingers. But anyway I was in no state to do so.


“Mmm…”, I mumbled as I slurped the milkshake. “So, When are you getting married?”.


 Now that was a Yorker. This is the other thing, comparing people with bowlers. Girls love to curse you bowling bouncers and reverse swings. On the other hand, Boys are juvenile. They just bowl straight Yorkers and most of them ends up as a full toss.


                  Now I was forced to remember our another conversation. I used to talk to her as if I were her fiancé. Even though, I know she hated me talking that way.It was really fun from heart on my side. I love to live every moment of my life,No matter what.
And on that particular day, I, her imaginary husband the day after asked her “Will you marry someone If I die?”
                  “Hey. .I’m going to marry another guy even if you’re alive” she said and laughed her head out . I was stammering. I was in a emotional mood and I just wanted to ask her what the fuck is funny about that. A sentence which makes a man stumble in misery can cause other to laugh for 5 minutes hardly.i can see tears in her eyes. She had laughed too much for her joke. But,I myself :-( 

“Hey.. It is not confirmed. They are just talking “.Now, This is another thing that I want to shout at the middle of the crowd “You guys fuck”, Marriage is being treated like exchange of goods.


A boy should come and show his salary package and a beneficial family background and similarly a girl shows how beautiful and well-behaved she is and both are tied up in the name of marriage with a colossal sack of cash and jewels transferred from the girl side to the boy’s. Where is the concept of love goes here? This is purely a compulsion of two souls to share their private space. And I’ll tell you the face, People of this generation still likes the setup very much. I wonder what makes them do this shit. They still value caste system a lot, which I myself think is cruel. I’ve said my mom “Taking caste as a criteria for my marriage with a girl is making me eat shit”. I hate the system of marriage and still it prevails successfully. My mom and dad excellent couple of each other and they are put together just by the same system. But, I wanted to ask Raaji why the fuck I can’t be your man.


‘The question to be asked is “Why not me”’I said breaking the silence. “It is not the point to ask why should it be me.Instead ask yourself why not Siddhu?”


“ Hey.. .I like you dude. But ” she said and paused.


                I let out a huge sigh. Again, Girls are cruel,They can kill you with (s)words.I like you and but are two words that are like two parts that cause a neuclear reaction when bombarded , they should never be connected. I case they are placed in the order she said,it is a disaster ahead.


“Stop that” I said. “Let’s go”


“I can’t think of marrying you. Friendship is the purest form “ she said like a Christian preacher. I hated that accent.


“Screw that. Lets go”I said and stood up to leave.


            “Shit man”, Sri said as we entered our hometown. He had lost a game that he played on his Iphone. I said you I HATE HIM like hell. He always interrupts my thoughts. We are going to stay in Sri’s house for that day.We refreshed ourselves and had a feast of home food, which we really miss in bang lore inspite of cocktails.


 We went to the college straight after breakfast.Ram and Sri wanted to meet our badge though I really never wanted to.At least , her. During the last semester, she got engaged and this particular thing really left me fucked up.I’ve been screwed up many times in life.But,I’ve never felt so small. I always used to have the feel “I’m my own boss”.But, The fact that she will be in someone else’s life hurt  me more than that she was not going to be in my life. After my final semester exams we three shifted to Bangalore for job in IBM which we got for a project done and I’ve strictly begged Sri and Ram not to let our college buddies know where the hell we went. I was in touch with no one.I smutted down my Facebook down and seemed a fucked up person for a mean while. I never worried whether she is married or not.Why should I be while she is not mine?

We met our friends and the usual rituals of hugging and follow-up took place.I was faking smile at everyone and gave fake laughter for every cracked joke.Left alone,Only Ram in the crowd knew I was faking.Sri was busy talking to his rotten girlfriends made during college.


I searched for Raaji.This is where every male fucks.You say you never care about a girl to yourself and still you are searching for her.I’m a loser. I felt and that’s really true.


 The graduation day was to held at the Gas chamber or the convention center.The decorum was as usual awfully miserable.I hate people who made this.She entered and grabbed my attention straight away.she wore a blue salwar kameez , and matchy bangles and ear rings.she had a shoe with heels. We (She and I) hated heels and I thought may be husband might have like it.The thought which  reminded me the day I kissed her for the first time and we had fought for a week before getting normal again.


That incident :


We were at college canteen and  she wore the a blue chudithar and she looked extremely awesome stuff in that dress.I wanted to kiss her straight aay as I walked towards her. She hi fived me.


“You look awesome” I said as I sat on the dirty chair.

“poda” she laughed.


“Hey really”.I protested.


“Mmm…”  she grinned.


“I want to kiss you” I said.


‘What? Are you crazy? Just shut up okay?”


“Okay. Lets play a game. If you won I won’t ever talk about a kiss to you in my life time or else I’ll kiss you now,once”.


“No..Whatever.I won’t let you kiss me.You are spoiling the sanity of..”


“Screw that” I said.”Order something”


After we ate.The girl’s curiosity worked.


“What is that game thing..” she catechized.


“Only If you agree to play”I said.


And I eventually won after some protests from her.


“I’ll give you five chances. I want to kiss you at a place.A very decent place that is not covered by cloth right now.If you guess,I’m out.If not I’ll kiss.”


“No”She said”Ten chances or else I’m not playing”.


“7”I concluded even though I was sure that she can’t guess that ewven with 100 chances.


“One” Counted as she touched her fore head and gave a inquired look.


“No” I said and winked “You can’t honey”


“Two”, Now she pointed with her finger to her palm.


“No” I said.”I’ll leave you even if you can kiss me”


She gave me fierce look.


“Fingers ,cheeks ,leg, chin, eyes” and she lost.


“Close your eyes” I said as she stood up.

“No” she said .”This is not funny at all, Siddhu,I’m your friend.Friendship is”


“Shut up” I said as I moved close towards her. She was not in the romantic mood as I’m and I know that.


I closed her eyes with my finger as she was fighting to push me away.It reminded me some of cruel rape scenes of Bollywood movies.I’m sure I’m not going to do that.She’s my valentine and I in-turn is her friend.Why do always people think in a complicated way.A kiss is just a kiss.But,I know most of you in-born and brought up fools will neither agree with me.


I kissed her right on her ears,straight to the holes.


“Ah” She said as she pulled me away after 3 and a half seconds.I felt her body quivered.She never said a word.I can see tears rolling sown her cheek.she went passed me like a ragging storm.


                       “You spoiled what friendship is, Bye forever you fucker”. I received a message from her and ended up giving her 100’s of missed calls which went no where.


                   I just wanted to do that, But I tell you I regreted doing that later.I shouldn’t have kissed her.I know.But No one was perfect. I’m terribly sorry I wanted to say her,But she was in no mood to hear.It was my fault.We are just friends and we were in college.What if someone saw.Leave others.What I done was totally wrong for a friend to do.She had trust in me.She came for my words.I broke them.I’m a loser.I cried that night for doing it.


                     And I took a week of callous effort to pierce her thick-skinned heart.It was sheer agony. After a week my blue magic started talking to me.But it took a month to become more normal.

                           “Siddharth Ananth” The man on the mic called my name loud enough to break my thoughts.I’m the last person to get the certificates as  they were distributed according to mark.


                          Raaji was still sitting on stage as she topped our batch.I was handed over a certificate.Everyone in the crowd got that in a complied etiquette.They wished the chief guest.They held the certificate in two  hands,gave pose to the photo.


                        I was in no mood to do them all.I virtually tugged the certificate from the chief guesty (even I never noticed his name) single handed and gave a look towards Raaji and turned walking back.


The man at the mic called me out.


“Take a photograph sir”. I hate him.


        I took the photograph in apathy.Every stood for the national anthem,which played suddenly from no where and I was still on the stage.


                  The crowd dismantled as Raaji came to me on stage.This is what I never wanted to happen,from my brain at least. The heart is always on her side.Double-dealer.


“Hi..Siddhu..Where the hell where you man..I searched you a lot” she said as came closer with a smile. She always talks a little “ ya..kk..seri..sollu..wait..eruma..monkey ” are her usual remarks which I HATE about anyone,. I talk a lot. .But, She is always special. I love her what ever she does.


                      I used to tel her a philosophy,the story of a sage and a scorpion. A sage was at bank of the river, it is so small seem to have just born. It stumbled towards the water as the sage tried to pick it and drop it in a safe place,It bit him.This scenario repeated four times and a student of the sage kicked the scorpion into the river.The sage was angry and the student said that he did that as that scorpion was harming him.The sage smiled back and said “See,The scorpion is about to die in the water”.He said and kept his hand on it on the water,Still it bit him hard and the sage never lost his hand until he dropped it in a safe place.He turned to the disciple and said”Still it never loses its character to bite me.But,Just with some bites of the little creature,We loose our patience and stop loving,Loose or character?".That was the way it meant to be. I used to say her I love her beyond all her flaws.Just because,No one in my life has ever loved me.Even my mom hates my flaws. But I love her with her flaws. 
“Whats up,she said.How is your carrier?”


Now that’s a bouncer.


“Ah…Don’t worry I’m going to quit it for writing a book”. I remember I used to tell her to be my wife and help me in books.She will mock me saying,”You write and give.It will be published in a street side journal.I’ll go sell them “moonu path rooba” meaning three book series for 10 rupees”

“Aren’t you done with your book yet. And you say you quit your carrier for a book which is not sure of published “she winked.


I wanted to kiss her nose now. I couldn’t resist, yet I did.


“Are you married? “A boy’s typical Yorker it was

.

“Do you love me still?” she bored into my eyes. I was looking at her wondering what to say.


She repeated the same question words jumbled.


“Do you still love me?”


“For life time. So what? You might be married..”


The next moment she made the crowd turn towards the stage. The entire gas chamber with alumni and their parents, each individual in the crowd fell mouth-opened.


                       She was pecking kisses randomly on my face. She was like a wood pecker being detained in a not breakable steel box for years. I can feel the real passion in her kisses. She was rigorous. And Mr. Hitler was puzzled to see the girl topper and the boy with last score kissing on his Asia’s largest auditorium or gas chamber.

“But. Wait.. We are not supposed to ” I said. She pressed my lips with her finger and turned my face to other side.


She kissed me on my ears the way I did some years before. One, two, three. She was on fire man.


“I was searching you like hell.I felt it only after you left.” She said as the crowd gathered back and Hitler was running towards  us.


“Love makes you do stupid silly things . See how you behaved on the stage”I said.


“Shut Up.I Love you” She said and held my hands."Love with all your flaws,till I die".

"Till I die" I protested.
"Till we live' , She said as our lips merged,That was a hell a lightening i've ever experienced.You can't say what a sweet taste is.It's sweet thats all. Similarly, A kiss is a kiss. 

A passionate first kiss,You feel out of the world,I Bet.

Ram was signaling me from the crowd. A black label tonight.dude.

I waved back “Sure”
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 


Sunday, October 2, 2011

கொஞ்சம் காதல் ,கொஞ்சம் ரத்தம்

     


இந்த கதையை படிப்பதற்கு முன் நீங்கள் தெரிந்து கொள்ள வேண்டியது.இதில் உள்ள சில சோதனை முயற்சிகள்.
1)இது கதை அல்ல,ஒரு வாக்குமூலம்.....இது கதை அல்ல
2)மரண வாக்குமூலத்தில் பொய்கள் இருக்காது



                              எனக்கு எதிரில் அமர்ந்து இருந்த அந்த இளைஞன் உதட்டில் வழியும் ரத்தத்தை துடைத்தபடி கோபமாக என்னைப் பார்த்தான். நான் மெல்ல புன்னகைத்தேன், அது அவன் கோபத்தை இன்னும் அதிகப்படுத்தி இருக்க வேண்டும், என் அடி வயிற்றில் இறங்கிய அவன் அடி சொல்லியது அவன் கோபமாக இருக்கிறான் என்று.
சஷீஅவன அடிக்காதஅந்த சிறப்பு போலீஸ் வாகனத்தின் முன்னால் இருந்து ஒரு குரல் வந்தது.

அந்த நிலையிலும் எனக்கு சிரிப்பு வந்தது.முன்னால் இருந்து வந்த குரலுக்கு சொந்தக்காரனை விட இவன் பலசாலி ஆனாலும் அவன் சொல்வதையே இவன் கேட்க வேண்டி இருந்தது.சர்வைவல் ஆப் தெ பிட்டஸ்ட் பொய்யோ?
எனக்கு மிகவும் பழக்கப்பட்ட அந்த  மலையடிவாரத்தில் வேன் நின்றது.
கீழ இறங்குடா
என்ன நடக்கப் போகிறது என எனக்கு நன்றாகவே தெரியும்.இறங்கி நின்றேன்.முன்னால் இருந்து வந்த  அந்த குரலுக்கு சொந்தக்கார தொப்பை இறங்கி வந்தான்.என் முட்டிக்காலை எட்டி உதைத்தான்.
என்ன தொப்பையா சார்.. கால தூக்க முடியல போல..”
கீழே விழிந்திருந்த என் தாடையை நொறுக்கினான்.
த்************”
இந்த நாய்ட்ட என்ன சார் பேச்சு..சுட்டுத்தள்ளுங்க..”
சிரித்தேன்
.

          நான்,இவர்களை பொறுத்தவரை ஹசன் அலி, ஒரு ஜிகாத், நக்ஸலைட் கும்பல்ல இருக்கற ஒரு லோக்கல் தலைவன். ஆனால்  நான் தனஞ்செழியன், தனா. சொந்த ஊரு,ஒசூர் பக்கத்துல உள்ள தோட்டாகிரி,கிராமத்துக்கும் நகரத்துக்கும் மத்திய  நிலையில் உள்ள ஒரு பகுதி.என் அப்பா ஒரு தமிழாசிரியர்.எனக்கு ஒரு தங்கச்சி, இலக்கியா.
                             அம்மா இல்லாட்டியும்,வாழ்க்க பள்ளிப்பருவம் முழுக்க சந்தோஷமாவே போச்சு.மிக நல்ல நண்பர்கள்,அப்பா வேல பாக்கற அதே பள்ளியில படிப்ப முடிச்சேன்.சின்ன வயசுல இருந்தே சினிமா மேல ஆசை,விஸ்காம் படிக்கணும்ன்னு ஆசை.ஆனா,தல கீழா நின்னும் அப்பா அசைஞ்சு குடுக்கல.அப்பா ஆசைப்படி,திண்டுக்கல் பக்கத்துல ஒரு கல்லூரில இன் ஜி சேர்ந்தேன். எல்லா கலர் கனவுகளும் அந்த வினாடி நொறுங்குன மாதிரி இருந்துச்சு.முதல் இரண்டு வருஷத்துல 9 அரியர். எனக்கு புடிக்காத ஒரு விஷயத்த என்னால செய்ய முடியாது. இன்ஜினியரிங்கும் அப்படித்தான்.
                  கல்லூரில என்ன  தான் நல்ல நண்பர்கள் கிடைச்சாலும், ஊர்ல பசங்க கிட்ட பழகுன அந்த மனசு,இவங்க கிட்ட அவ்வளவா ஒட்டல. இந்த வருஷத்துல இருந்து  ஹாஸ்ட்டல விட்டுட்டு ரூம் எடுத்து தங்கலாம்ன்னு நாலு  பேர்  சேந்து முடிவு பண்ணினோம்.என் அப்பன்ட்ட சொல்ல,அந்த ஆள் மேல இருந்த மரியாத நாளாக நாளாக குறைஞ்சுக்கிட்டே வந்துச்சு.
                   வாழ்க்கை வெறுத்து,பல நேரம் வெறுமையா கழியரத நான் உணர்ந்தப்போ அவ என் வாழ்க்கைல வந்தா.மிக இயல்பான ஒரு சந்திப்பு, ஒரு கல்லூரி Cultural Team இரண்டு பேரும் கீ போர்ட் வாசிச்சோம்.ஒரு முக்கியமான விஷயம் கவனிச்சு இருக்கீங்களா? நமக்கு ஒரு பொண்ண புடிச்சு இருந்ததுன்னா, அவ  செய்யற சின்னச்சின்ன சாதாரண விஷயம் கூட பெருசா தெரியும். தெரு நாய் ஒன்ன அவ காப்பாத்துனா உடனே அன்னை தெரசா மாதிரி பீல் பண்ணி பேசுவோம். இப்படி நடக்கறதுக்கு காரணம், காதல்.
                 தெருவுல ஒருத்தன் தெரியாம கால மிதிச்சா அவன் குடும்பத்தையே தெருவுல இழுக்கர நான், கடிக்கர கொசுவ தடவி குடுத்தத பாத்து என் நண்பர்கள் கொஞ்சம் வெறி ஆகத்தான் செஞ்சாங்க. பழகுன ஒரு வாரத்துக்குள்ளேயே எதோ ரொம்ப நாள் பழகுன மாதிரி,கைல வெச்சு இருந்த சிகரெட்ட புடுங்கி கீழ எறிஞ்சா. நானே கவல படாத என் கிழிஞ்ச சட்டைய கேட்டு வாங்கி தெச்சு குடுத்தா. அட அவ யாருன்னு உங்களுக்கு நான் சொல்லல, அவ சின்ன வயசு இருந்து சென்னைல வளர்ந்த பொண்ணு, இவ ஸ்கூல் முடிக்கற நேரம்,இவங்க அப்பா கடனுல மூழ்க,அவ சித்தப்பா வீட்ல தங்கி இந்த மொக்க காலேஜுல படிக்கறா.அவ தான் எங்க காலேஜ் ஃபிகர். அவ கூட பழகறதுல ஒரு கர்வம் எனக்குள்ள.இருக்காத பின்ன, செர்ரி பழத்த பாத்து இருக்கீங்களா? அவள பாத்தா செர்ரி சிவப்பு இல்லம்பீங்க.


                   மாசம் ஒரு தடவ தான் அந்த ஆள பாக்க வீட்டுக்கு போவேன்,அதுவும் என் தங்கச்சிக்காக. மூணாவது வருஷம் முடியறப்ப என் தங்கச்சி பத்தாவது முடிச்சா. நல்ல மார்க், அவளுக்கு டாக்டர் ஆகனும்ன்னு ஆசை. அந்த ஆள் கோபத்தையும் மீறி, நான் அவள ஒரு பெரிய ஸ்கூல்ல, எங்க வீட்ல இருந்து 15 கி.மீ,அதுல சேத்து விட்டேன்.
அந்த ஆள்ட்ட சொன்னேன்என் அம்மா உயிரோடு இருந்தா இப்படித்தான் செஞ்சு இருப்பாங்க
அவன் சொன்னான்லட்சுமி,இப்படி பண்ணி இருக்க மாட்டா
என் வாழ்க்கைல நான் செஞ்ச முதல் தப்பு அதான்.
              கல்லூரியில் வாழ்க்கை மிக சுவாரசியமாக சென்று கொண்டு இருந்தது. என்னோட அரியர் எல்லாம் ஒரே அட்டம்ப்ட்ல க்ளியர் பண்ணிட்டேன். அவளோடு இருந்த இரண்டு வருஷம் தான் என் வாழ்க்கைல மறக்க முடியாத காலம். நான்காம் ஆண்டு தொடக்கத்தில் ஒரு நாள், எங்களுக்குள் சண்டை.. முடிவில் நடந்தது இது.
அவள் : “இனி நான் உன் கூட பேச மாட்டேன்…”
நான் : “எவ்ளோ நேரம்
அவள் ,கொஞ்சம் குனிந்து சிரிக்க ஆரம்பித்துஒரு அர மணி நேரம்என்றாள்.வாய் விட்டு சிரித்தோம், எவ்வளவு நேரம் என்றே தெரியவில்லை. கல்லூரியில் இருக்கிறோம் என்ற உணர்வே இல்லாமல் என்னை வந்து கட்டிப்பிடித்து கொண்டாள்.
“I love u டாஉன்ன விட்டுட்டு என்னால இருக்க முடியாது..நீ வேணும் டா என் லைஃப் Fullaa”..

           Life ஒரு பொண்ணு வந்தா என்ன நடக்கும்? ம்ம்அதே தான்.. காதல், இப்பவும் சொல்ல்ரேன் அந்தத் ************** நான் வெறுத்தாலும் சொல்றேன், அந்த காலகட்டம் தான் என் வாழ்க்கையோட Golden Era. என் வாழ்க்கைலயே நான் அழுததுக்கு காரணமான ஒரே பொண்ணு, நான் கொண்டாடின ஒரே பொண்ணு அவ தான்…. தூங்கவே மாட்டோம்.. தினமும் அம்பானி குடும்பத்தை வாழ வைக்க பேசிக்கொண்டே இருப்போம்.
                  கடைசி ஆண்டு,அவள் அப்பா கொஞ்சம் செழிக்க தொடங்கி இருந்தார். நம்ம தான் சனியன கட்டிபுடிச்சிட்டு பொறந்து தொலச்சிட்டமே, திரும்பவும் வாழ்க்கை இருட்ட நோக்கி நகர ஆரம்பிச்சுது, அந்த சம்பவத்துக்கு அப்பறம்.
அந்த சம்பவம் , என் தங்கச்சி , அந்த *** மு** வேற எப்படி சொல்ல சொல்றீங்க அந்த ஓடுகாலிக்கழுதையபொண்ணுங்களுக்கு எப்பவுமே ஒரு பழக்கம் இருக்கு,பெரும்பாலான பொண்ணுங்க எவன் ஏமாத்தறானோ அவனத்தான் நம்பறாங்க, ஏமாறாங்க.அந்த ஆள் என்ன வெறுப்போட ஒரு பார்வ பார்த்தோட சரி.கல்லூரியோட இலையுதிர் காலம் நெருங்கிகிட்டு இருந்துச்சு.இது Placement Season. என் கூடப் பொறந்த ******** பண்ண வேலையால என்னால எதுலயுமே கவனம் செலுத்த முடியல.ஆனா,அப்பவும்  அவ தான் சரி பண்ணா என்னைய.வேலையும் கிடைச்சுது.
              இறுதி ஆண்டு Project அஹ் எவ்வளவோ முயற்சி செஞ்சும் நாங்க ரெண்டு பேர் சேர்ந்து செய்ய முடியல.கொஞசம் இடைவெளி விட்டோம் எங்களுக்குள்ள, எங்க எதிர்காலத்துக்காக.திரும்பவும் நான் வீட்டுப்பக்கம் போகவே இல்ல,அந்த ஆள் நான் கேக்காமலே பணத்த போட்டு விட்டாரு.
              இறுதி ஆண்டு தேர்வு முடிஞ்சதும் அவ சென்னை போனா (அவ பேர உங்க கிட்ட சொல்லல? இல்லங்க வேண்டாம்அவ பேரு மட்டுமாது எனக்கு சொந்தமானதா இருக்கட்டும்).பசங்க பண்ர தப்பு ஒரு பொண்ண கண்மூடித்தனமா நம்பறது தான்.சில பசங்க எதுக்கு எடுத்தாலும் சந்தேகப்படுவாங்க. என்ன மாதிரி சில கிறுக்குக் **ங்க என்ன பண்ணாலும் ஏன்னே கேட்டுக்க மாட்டாங்க , அவ மேல இருக்கற நம்பிக்கைல. ஆனா என்ன மாதிரி ஆளுங்களுக்கு இவள மாதிரி **&&%^% தான் வந்து அமையறாளுங்க.
              என்ன நடந்திருக்கும்ன்னு உங்களுக்கு தெரியும்.அதே தான்.காசுக்காக போய்ட்டா ஒருத்தன் கூட.காதல் வேற கல்யாணம் வேறயாம். அப்ப கட்டில்ல?, பணத்துக்காக என் தேவத தே&^%^&* மாறுவான்னு நான் நினைச்சு கூட பாக்கல.
             வேலைக்கு போகல.இன்னும் அந்த ஆள் பணம் போட்டான் என் அக்கவுண்ட்ல,நேரம் காலம் தெரியாம குடிச்சேன்.என் அரும தங்கச்சி திரும்பி வந்தா, வயத்துல அந்தத் &^%*$ குடுத்த குழந்தையோட. நான் தான் சொன்னனே இந்த பொண்ணுங்க எல்லாம் முட்டாள் &$*@*$ங்க ந்னு.எங்கயோ போய்ட்டான் ஏமாத்தீட்டு.அவன் ஃபோட்டோ கைல இருந்துச்சு, பார்ல கிடச்ச புது நண்பர்களோட சுத்தினேன்.
அவன வெட்டி சரிக்கறோம் டா…”
ஆமாம், அவன வெட்டினோம்.ஏமாத்தீட்டு போனவன எங்க புடிச்சோம்ன்றீங்களா? அவரு பெரிய புடுங்கி,வல வீசி தேடுறதுக்கு,நாய் இன்னொரு பொண்ண &^% தேடிக்கிடு இருந்துச்சு.
                  இந்தியாவுல காசு இல்லன்னா சட்டம் இருக்குன்னு அர்த்தம்.இத எனக்கு சொல்லி குடுத்தவன் Zahir.என்னோடு சிறையில்  நிமிடங்கள் பல கழித்தவன்.அவன் தீவிரமாய் ஜன நாய்கத்தை எதிர்க்கும் ஒரு இயக்கத்தை சேர்ந்தவன் ,உங்கள் பாஷையில் தீவிரவாதி., னால் அவன் சிறை வந்தது ஒரு சப்பை வழக்குக்கா, தீவிரமான வழக்குகளில் இருந்து தப்பிக்க அவர்கள் செய்யும் ஒரு சின்ன கைங்கர்யம் இது. .எனக்குள்ள ரௌத்திரத்த ஊர  வெச்சான். என் தங்கச்சிய கசக்குனவன் கைய வெட்டுனதுக்கே மூணு வருஷம் ஜெயில்ல போட்டங்களே, அவனும் நானும் சேர்ந்து என் தேவதைய தொட்டவன சுட்டோம்.ஆனா அந்த கேஸ் இன்னிய வரைக்கும் சபைக்கு வரவே  இல்ல.அவள விதவையா பாத்தேன்.உள்ளுக்குள்ள இருந்த வெறிக்கு தீனி போட்டேன்.


                    இந்த மாதிரி அடுத்தவங்கள பத்தி கவலயே படாத,முட்டாள் சுய-நல மக்களையும் அவங்க வளர்ப்புல இருக்கற சின்ன களைகளையும் (குழந்தைகளையும்) கொல்லலாம் , அது தப்பில்லங்கற எண்ணம் வளர ஆரம்பிச்சுது. நிறைய பயிற்சி,உடம்பும் மூளையும் மரத்து போச்சு.நடுவுல அந்த ஆள் செத்துப்போனதா செய்தி வந்துச்சு,நான் போகல. எனக்கு கணக்கு தெரிஞ்ச வரையில 234 பேர கொன்னு இருக்கேன்.அட தொகுதிக்கு ஒருத்தர் பாருங்க.ஆறு வருஷம் கழிஞ்ச பிறகு, என்ன புடிச்சாங்க, கடுமையான சண்டையல,அவங்க ஆளுங்க 34 பேர பலி குடுத்து.
                  கூட்டிட்டு போய் கோர்ட்ட்ல  வெச்சு கொஞ்சுவாங்க ந்னா நினைக்கறீங்க? அதான் இந்த மலை அடி வாரம்.எனக்கு தெரியும் என்னோட முடிவு இது தான்ன்னு. துவே லேட்டு. எனக்கு ஒரு கடைசி ஆச இருந்துச்சு, காரணமே இல்லாம அவ புருஷன கொன்னுட்டேன் அந்த ^%&&%&*(*(^^ இப்ப எப்படி இருக்கான்னு தெர்ல..அவ சுகமா இருந்துற கூடாது…. அவ பண்ணதுக்கு அவ அனுபவிக்கனும்.

“34 பேரு செத்திருக்காங்க டா உங்களப்புடிக்க, ********** ”
செத்தா கவர்மண்ட் 3 லட்சம் தருதுன்னு தான அவங்க ****** கால ** வேல பாக்கறீங்க
அவன் பிஸ்ட்டலை எடுத்தான். CZ 75 மாடல் .
ஒரே தோட்டா, 53 ரூபா..என்னா ஆட்டம் போட்டு இருப்ப..”
ஜிகாத் அதர்சன் கோ நஹிதும் முஜே மார் சக்தே ஹோ” என்றேன்சாவதற்கு முன் இதை சொல்ல கற்றுக்கொடுத்து இருந்தார்கள்.
அந்தத் **** ** இருந்த இந்த நெஞ்சிலயே சுடுங்க டா…”
ச்ச்ச்சட்..  நெற்றிப் பொட்டில் ஒரு நிமிட வலி.

ச்சட்….. L